This is kind of hard to write and I have seriously contemplated even posting about it. Being pregnant is scary.
You should know before I begin, that the baby and I are both fine. 100% Healthy and our baby is in the 75+ percentile for growth! We are wonderful.
This one is very very personal. But I have chosen to share it because I know I'm not alone. Pregnancy is scary! You develop this unconditional love for the little nugget growing in your belly. The only problem is that apart from eating the right way and not participating in a friendly game of tackle football, the baby's growth and development is really out of your control. This leaves you constantly worrying.
On April 25th, I had a routine check-up at my doctor's office. You know the drill, a quick "how are you feeling" and a check of the heartbeat, blood draw and you're out the door! Typically, it's a 20 minute process. Tops.
This one did not work out that way.
I went in as normal at 10:25, checked my weight, asked the routine questions, and jumped up on the table to hear that precious heartbeat. But she couldn't find it. Normally it is a 5 minute process of searching, finding, listening, and oohing/aahing. This time, we only got to step 1, the searching. She looked for 20 minutes and this far along in the pregnancy it should take less time than the 13 week appointment did. But there was nothing.
Once in a while she thought she heard the baby move, but she couldn't find the tones. I didn't panic, yet.
After a few more minutes of searching she said (in a panicked tone) "We need to get you in for an ultrasound right now". I still didn't freak out.
I asked her "has this happened before" and she said yes. So I made her promise and she did.
She simply stated that she was concerned that this far along she can't find it.
Now I freaked out.
I cried. A lot.
So she said "it'll be alright", gave me a hug, and rushed out to schedule the ultrasound.
I didn't see her again after that. But I did see her nurses. One who came in, hugged me (crying, mind you), and handed me the appointment sheet for the hospital (ultrasound). The next two came in to take all of my blood. OK, two vials. Of course, one of them hugged me too! If that doesn't get you worried, nothing will.
But these ladies are wonderful. Every one of them. My doctor, her nurses, they all rock.
Once the blood draw was done, I got in my car at 11:25 (still sobbing) and called Tyler who said he would meet me at home to take me to the hospital. He continually said motivational things like: don't worry, you are fine, the baby is fine... just supportive. Then, when he got home, he just hugged me. That's all I needed.
After I applied makeup to try to hide the red splotches forming on my face (I'm an ugly crier), we left.
They rushed us through the sign in and brought us right back. I think they felt bad for the ugly (obviously crying) girl that just walked in... but I appreciated it. So we sat. Only for a few minutes, but it felt like forever! Especially when a little old lady tries to carry on a conversation with you. I was cordial, but wanted to punch her in the face. I was in no mood to talk to anyone right now. I just wanted to know that baby K was OK.
When we went in, I knew the process: lay down, pull up shirt, tuck towel into pants, and they put warm goo on your belly. I held it together this time up until I saw that heartbeat. Then I lost it. I was so excited that my fears were unwarranted and our nugget is fine. What. A. Relief.
Tyler rubbed my leg the whole time while they took the measurements, looked at the baby, and printed our pictures. He was amazing.
We got a call shortly after from my doctor saying "the baby looks great". Then, about 10 minutes later from her nurse, Heather. Yes, Heather called to say that she'd heard the good news and wanted to let me know she was so thrilled and make sure I was doing OK. They care that much.
I have never been to a doctor's office where they know you by name right when you walk in. It makes everything so much more comfortable!!!
Now, we are at 5 ultrasounds for this kid. Typically, a pregnant lady will only have two throughout a pregnancy. Sure we'll more than double it! Ugh.
Ultrasound one was at 9 weeks. Typical.
Ultrasound two was at 13 weeks as I was having TERRIBLE cramping and morning sickness.
Ultrasound three was when they couldn't find heart tones.
Ultrasound four was for gender/organ development.
And ultrasound five was yesterday because during the 20 week ultrasound, the little nugget was dancing and squirming too much and they couldn't get good pictures of the heart and spine. Silly baby.
Pretty sure we have the most photographed fetus ever.
Here is what I took from this experience:
- Do not panic if they can't find the heartbeat with the little wand thing. It has happened before. They will just schedule an ultrasound to see the little bugger.
- Go to a doctor who recognizes you as (___Your Name Here___), not just a patient. You want someone you know to give you good or bad news. Not somebody who has to look at their sheet to remember your name.
- Make your husband go to all of the appointments. He can sit outside while you do the icky stuff, but make him be there. Tyler had meetings in the morning so he couldn't make it to the check-up, but he has promised to go to the rest of them. Especially after this experience. Even though he had wonderful composure, I know he was worried. The relief on his face was all I needed to see.
Optimism is really the key to pregnancy (well, mine anyway). If I eat right, sleep plenty, drink lots of water, and exercise, my body will do the rest. What an amazing thing.